YOU-Q is a concept that I have developed out of my experiences as a practicing psychologist, as well as my travels around the world. YOU-Q is about living life to its full potential and finding your Inner Winner.
While it encapsulates emotional, spiritual and intellectual intelligence, YOU-Q is also so much more. It is about Getting Real – the importance of knowing and staying true to your value, purpose and vision. It’s about Changing Your Head Talk – how to silence the unhelpful messages we give ourselves and change our negative self-beliefs. And it’s about learning how to Relate well to others.
This refers to the way in which you relate to others. By learning essential communication and interpersonal skills, you will radically enhance your relationships with others.
To help you do this you can:
Head Talk is that inner voice which constantly gives us negative messages. Changing your Head Talk means changing these negative beliefs and transforming the unhelpful messages you give yourself into positive messages.
To help you do this you can:
This involves becoming authentic, genuine and totally true to you. To achieve this requires answering three important questions - What are my values? What is my purpose? What is my vision?
To help you do this you can:
As a student, I spent a ski season working in Keystone Ski Resort in the Rocky Mountain Range of Colorado. To help stop me missing my family and friends, and feeling too homesick on Christmas Day, I decided to do something interesting, enjoyable and special.
I was very interested in joining a group for Christmas dinner in a restaurant at the top of the mountain, followed by a midnight run down the ski slopes - lit only by torch light. It sounded so exciting, but I was worried that I wasn’t a good enough skier, and almost abandoned the idea there and then. My sense of adventure won the day, however, so – after some reassurance from the organisers - I signed up.
The entire experience was absolutely amazing and I was thrilled I had had the courage to do it. It is one of the adventures I will never forget!
The life lesson here is not to let fear stop you. As Dr. Robert Anthony so wisely says: “Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid, and act anyway.”
A few years ago, during a “travelling” period of my life, I had the chance to explore the Spanish province of Andalucia. One day, I found myself in Frigiliana, a beautiful and charming town characterised by cobbled streets, coffee pots overflowing with vibrant bougainvillea and steep, winding stairs. The town was thronging with tourists, all appreciating its beauty and “quaintness.” Adding to the appeal was a little old lady, typically dressed in black, who came out of her house to sweep her “stoep.” While we were taking photos, it suddenly struck me that while we, as tourists, were admiring this “picture postcard” pastoral scene, the old woman herself was just having a normal day and was going about her business - no doubt as she does every day.
The lesson here is that life is all about perspective. What created an extraordinary scene for us as tourists, was just an ordinary moment for the old woman.
During my three-year stint working on luxury yachts around the world, I found myself in Bodrum in Turkey, as part of the crew overseeing the re-fitting of a beautiful 1930’s yacht. The work was exhausting and I didn’t have a lot of time for sightseeing, but one thing I will always remember about Bodrum is the magnificent roses that seemed to grow just about everywhere! They were absolutely breathtaking – some had blooms as big as two hands cupped together. They were growing without any attention – no one fertilising or pruning them – and yet they were probably the most breathtaking roses I have ever seen.
The life lesson here is that, when conditions are right, things will flourish - even if they’re not given an overt amount of attention. Don’t wait for someone to nurture and look after you before you grow – create the right conditions for yourself and attain your own magnificence.
While travelling back to South Africa after working on a yacht in Turkey, I took the opportunity go to the United Arab Emirates, to visit an old friend who was living in Dubai. Dubai is situated in the middle of the Arabian Desert, and so is probably the last place in the world where you’d expect to find a ski slope! But this is exactly what I discovered one day while walking round one of the city’s many huge shopping malls! I was fascinated to be able to watch the skiers through a glass wall - while being very grateful for the cool air-conditioning blasting away on my side of the glass! A similar experience was watching beach volleyball take place in the middle of London – very far from the nearest beach – during the recent Summer Olympics!
The life lesson here is that just about anything is possible if you don’t let yourself be dictated to by your situation or circumstances. If you can dream it, you can do it!
While working on luxury yachts in the Mediterranean, I found myself with some rare, but much-needed time off while we were moored at the Yacht Club Costa Smeralda in Porto Cervo, Sardinia.
The town is a favourite stop-off point for some of the world’s uber rich and famous, and it’s not unusual to see international celebrities benefitting from a little retail therapy there! Exclusivity and expense are the dominant impressions when you walk around, so you can imagine how surprised I was when, while browsing in one of the most upmarket shopping malls in the world, I found several shops offering lovely items I could actually afford!
The lesson here is that we shouldn’t be intimidated by outward appearances, reputation or title. Very often, if we are brave enough to look beyond the daunting exterior, we may well be pleasantly surprised at what we find.
While my Mom and I were visiting the UK for a family wedding, I took the opportunity to take us both up to Edinburgh in Scotland for the world famous Edinburgh Tattoo. Because it was a relatively late decision, the whole city was already packed out, and we were unable to get any accommodation.
Fortunately we found a little fishing village called Dunbar, about 20 minutes by train from Edinburgh, where we managed to secure a room in a B&B. One day, while sitting on the pebbled beach in Dunbar watching the seagulls and listening to their raucous and incessant calls, I was suddenly struck by the fact that the seagulls back home in Durban don’t actually make a noise! What I had taken to be to be the same ol’ seagulls as back home, were in fact very different. I hadn’t really thought about it before, but that noisy Scottish beach made me aware of the difference.
Even though something may appear familiar, there may be differences we don’t expect. We shouldn’t take things at face value – rather make an effort to learn and appreciate individual characteristics.
