Many people suppress their own feelings, needs and wants because they’re not sure how to go about expressing them without upsetting others. Some people express them too forcefully. The outcome in both cases is always unsatisfactory to one, if not both, parties.
It is possible to ask for what you want, let people know how you feel, and say no if necessary without being pushy or aggressive. The key is learning to be assertive.
Assertive people communicate in a way that is clear, open and respectful of other people, ensuring they enjoy healthy, positive relationships - both at work and at home.
This course teaches you the fundamental skills and attitudes you need to enjoy the many benefits of being more assertive.
We would be lost without our phones and yet most of us do not use them effectively or efficiently. When leaving a message most people are not clear and succinct. They often don’t even mention important information such as their name! When speaking to the person they called, they do not introduce themselves properly and do not get to the point of the call, wasting the recipient’s time and causing frustration and irritation. Often they do not even realise the poor impression they are creating.
In this course you will learn how to use the phone with finesse and create a positive impression of yourself and/or your organisation or company.
Some people define diplomacy as the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. I don’t call this being diplomatic - I call it being assertive!
Whether you are dealing with patients, clients or colleagues, HOW you communicate ultimately determines whether your relationship is clear, open and honest - or fraught with tension, misunderstanding and arguments.
In this talk I explain what it means to communicate assertively, why this is beneficial and how to achieve this kind of relationship with your patients, clients and colleagues.
It can be difficult, when asked to give feedback, to know how to be constructive and honest without leaving the other person feeling demoralised. Some people build others up with positive feedback, while some break them down with destructive criticism. What do you do?
Knowing how to give feedback that is motivating and inspiring is critical if we want to develop children and adults who have high self–esteem, and will realise their full potential. It is important to learn how to give (and receive) feedback in a way that is positive, and which leaves both parties feeling good about themselves, and clear on where they stand.
Learning how to converse well and easily with others gives people more confidence when handling both business and social events. Mastering this skill - either one-on-one or conversations in small groups - is thus an important life skill.
In this talk, I cover the fundamentals of what it really means to be a good conversationalist, how to make effective introductions in order to ease the way for others, and (for emergencies) how to escape from the boring individual who insists on dominating your attention. We also touch on non-verbal (body) language.
Have you ever looked enviously at someone who has presence - that enigmatic, 'can’t-quite-put-your-finger-on-it' quality - and wished you could have it too? Have you ever wondered why people just don’t respond well to you? Are you having trouble getting your message across?
Perhaps the answer lies more with how you’re saying something, than what you’re actually saying.
This talk will help you be more aware of the message you’re actually giving beyond the words you’re saying, and show you how to use your voice and body language to appear confident and have presence.
During my year-long working holiday in America, I tried to see as many different cities as possible. I often made use of Greyhound buses, and one day, when leaving Chicago, I had a ticket for a bus that was due to leave at 4pm. I arrived at the terminal at midday, but didn’t want to walk around with all my bags, so I just sat and waited. Another lady had also arrived early, and she too decided to wait. As the afternoon wore on, crowds of people started arriving to catch the bus, and the fact that we had been waiting four hours didn’t seem to matter - the new arrivals just pushed and shoved so that we were forced right to the back of the queue. We were both furious, and the lady shouted and screamed at the conductor, demanding to be let on the bus. I kept calm and explained that we had been waiting hours. In the end, the conductor let me on to the bus, but turned the other lady away for being rude.
The lesson here is that aggressive behaviour seldom, if ever, gets you what you want. No one likes a rude person. If you want something, ask for it in an assertive, NOT aggressive, manner, always taking the feelings of the other person into account.
One year, after spending the winter ski season working at an exclusive resort in Denver, I decided to use my earnings to see as much of America as I could before returning home to SA.
One of the many places I visited was the Zion National Park – the oldest National Park in Utah, and known for its incredible canyons. I joined a Green Tortoise Adventure Bus Tour, a budget, backpacker-type organisation that arranges trips to many of America’s most famous national parks. The costs of the trip are kept low by, among others, getting the people taking the tour to muck in with some of the chores – preparing meals being one of them.
One day, I was helping one of the other girls make a fruit salad. We were chopping pineapple and, because I love the hard core of the fruit, I put it into the salad. The other girl, however, was throwing it away. I was horrified that she was chucking it out, and she – because she never ate the hard core - was equally horrified that I was putting it in!
There are actually two lessons here. The first one is that even people who like doing the same thing (exploring America’s Parks) in the same way (on a low-cost backpacker bus), will not always like doing everything in the same way. We are all so different and we all believe that our way is the best way (otherwise, why would we do it?). Tolerance and compromise are key.
The second lesson is almost a corollary of the first. Just because you have always done something in a certain way doesn’t mean someone else may not have worked out a better – or a different but equal – way to do it. We can all learn from each other.
I recently had the opportunity to realise a long-held dream of visiting the Okavango Delta in northern Botswana. Many parts of this delta – the largest inland delta in the world - are only accessible by boat or Makoro (the wooden canoes used by local fishermen) and where there are roads, a 4x4 vehicle is essential in many parts.
I was travelling with a friend who fortunately had such a vehicle. Other people we encountered were not as lucky, and were travelling in a minibus. When it came to crossing a river, the guide who was leading us told us to drive slowly into the water, so as not to create a wash which would rise up over the engine, drowning it. The driver of the minibus decided not to heed this advice, no doubt assuming that as he didn’t have a 4x4, speed and momentum were what were needed to successfully negotiate the crossing. He duly raced into the river, causing a wave of water to wash up over his vehicle, drowning the engine and stranding him in the middle of the river. My friend and I proceeded as advised, driving slowly and carefully though the water, and eventually arriving safely on the other side.
The life lesson here is two-fold: Firstly, advice given by someone experienced in the area they are advising you on is more often than not well worth listening to, and secondly, speed and enthusiasm are not always going to get you where you need to go. Slow and careful will more often than not get you safely across life’s rivers.
I recently had the chance to travel to Maputo in Mozambique. I was there on business, but was also able to spend a little time exploring some of the city. One afternoon, I ended up in the market, walking though the different stalls, and chatting briefly with the traders. They were all friendly, but were obviously eager to sell me something – anything – and were not too subtle in the way they went about it! Quite often, such dogged persistence has the opposite of the intended effect, and instead of being persuaded to buy something, all I want to do is leave the market as quickly as possible to escape the constant hounding.
On this occasion, however, one particular trader stood out from the rest. He was selling some very pretty teaspoons, which caught my eye and I went over to have a closer look. I admired the spoons, but decided not to buy them, and so started to walk away. The seller called me back, and began what I thought would be the normal sales pitch in an attempt to get me to buy the teaspoons. But he was different. He was so inoffensive and non-threatening in his approach, and he seemed so genuine, that I was drawn to him and actually stopped and listened to what he had to say, rather than thinking of the quickest way out of the situation.
In the end, I bought the spoons!
The lesson here is that persistence, backed up with the right approach and a positive attitude, will – in many cases - go a long way towards getting you what you want.
