When visiting the Grand Canyon, in the USA, I took the opportunity to join a guided, overnight hike down to the bottom of the Canyon. While water is usually available from taps along the route, there was a problem at this particular time, so we had to carry our own with us. It was thus a very precious commodity!

On the way back up the next day, I was almost at the top when I met a woman who had slipped on the loose gravel, grazing her knee and hand. She was feeling very miserable, as she had only just started her hike and had a long way still to go. I had some plasters in my back pack, so I stopped to help her, using some of my precious water to clean her wounds before putting the plasters on. This little bit of attention really cheered her up, and she was able to continue her hike in a much better frame of mind.

Sometimes, even the smallest gesture can make a really big difference.

One evening while in Naples, Italy, Tim, a fellow crewmate, and I decided to go out for dinner. We chose a tiny restaurant on the edge of a little harbour filled with colourful fishing boats. The tables were laid with white linen cloths and napkins, the evening was warm and still, and the lights twinkled on the water - it was a fabulous setting for an alfresco meal.

Halfway through the meal, while enjoying the atmosphere, good conversation and the great food and wine, Tim put his knife and fork down on his plate. He did this in such a way as to show that he had not yet finished his meal – or so he thought! The waiter, however, came up to our table and whisked Tim’s plate away. Tim was annoyed to say the least, and it was only after much upset and gesticulating that he finally got his meal back.The waiter was also upset and went off muttering, soon returning with the maitre’d who could speak some English. He explained to us that while in England, the way Tim had put his knife and fork down indicated he was not finished his meal, in Naples it showed that he wasfinished, and the waiter was thus only doing what was expected of him. Tim and I were fascinated at this complete contrast in table etiquette. We had had no idea.

Don’t ever assume that your own customs are the way of the world. Take time to find out about the customs of other places so as not to cause offence. (Ask open-ended questions so that you can find out about things you don’t know you don’t know!)

While I was working on a yacht in Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania, I met a wonderful South African woman sailor, Meme Grant, who one day said she would take me across the bay to the local shopping market. She came to pick me up in a little rubber dinghy, greeted me and told me to “jump in.” As the level of the deck of the yacht was a lot higher than the rubber dinghy in the water, I was horrified! However, I didn’t want to appear stupid and incompetent, so I took a deep breath and jumped. Of course, I nearly capsized the both of us! Meme was furious and shouted at me: “Don’t you know that you never jump into a dinghy?”  I explained that I had never been in a dinghy before, so I had no idea. Meme, being the great teacher that she is, immediately calmed down and gave me my first lesson in dinghy skills. I learnt that when Meme said "jump in" she meant, “very carefully get into the dinghy so as not to capsize us”. I heard: “don’t waste time mucking about - literally jump.”

Don’t always assume another person will understand what you are talking about. Be clear and communicate the message you intend to communicate.

In Gibraltar, I witnessed an accident where a child was fooling around, fell off a wall and landed on his head. He became completely hysterical. It transpired, much later, that his distress was not from the pain of the fall, but from his belief – based on a film he had seen where a similar incident had occurred – that he was going to die from his injury. The parents tried to soothe the boy but soon grew annoyed with his continuous crying. Finally they became angry demanding that he stop crying. They did not actually ask him why he was so upset, they just assumed it was from the pain of the fall. They therefore didn’t understand what the problem was, and were unable to calm their child down.

 Listen to what your children have to say. Respect that they have their own thoughts and ideas.

No matter how similar people are, we are all unique. There will always be some ideas, issues, situations etc. on which we disagree. This is to be expected. Conflict in itself is not bad. Knowing how to deal with it, is what counts. If we know how to cope with conflict, we will learn to be less fearful of it, and so not try to avoid it. This creates healthier, more harmonious relationships.

In this talk I focus on the fundamental skills and attitudes you need to deal with conflict and understand that, contrary to popular belief, dealing with disagreement or conflict is far more important to a relationship than not having disagreement or conflict at all.

During my travels in North America, I travelled across the border into Canada. One of the cities I visited was Montreal, where I was struck by the beauty of the architecture. What made this city special, however, was that while it was obviously a bustling metropolis with the mandatory high rise buildings, glass, steel and concrete, these modern structures were often found next to beautiful old buildings, dating back to the city’s early days. And instead of jarring, old and new existed in perfect harmony, creating a unique skyline which captured both the proud past and exiciting future of this amazing city.

The life lesson here is that we don’t always have to get rid the old to make way for the new. There can be space for both – be it buildings, ideas or people – to live in harmony with, and complement, each other.